What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 07:13
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What did i know ?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Who is the most trusted person in your life, and do they have the same trust on you?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Ive learnt so much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
(And it was in our own minds.)
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She wouldn,t have been !
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And i lived it daily.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What were some things that the ancient Greeks excelled at compared to the Romans?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Do you think Trump is a bad a$$? Why or why not?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He knew the spot.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why does Filipino culture dictate that parents should be treated as gods?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So whats the point in blame.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What should I do if a girl whom I love asks me to be her friend?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What sexual experience did you have at a highway rest area?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I think the readers, may guess!
I will be 64.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She married twice! .
I couldn’t, believe it.
My family never makes their pension either.
Especially a lifetime of it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I said to her
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She found it foreign!.
Im still living with it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I never cut or harmed myself..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My life is so biszare .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Comes on , in middle age.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One cannot live in the past .
We all went to grammer schools
It was going to be , some day.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was scared of men, in general
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We were not on the streets..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I know ,a lot about trauma.
This is soul school!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I don,t even have a pension.
But ive been too sick for many years..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So, i spoilt her more .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Put me off passion for life!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
When she asked me how she looked .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was very sick at this time too.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was 9 years of age.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Who then, do I blame.?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But it wasn’t much.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She was in good health!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She loved him until the end.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was seconnd youngest,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I write beautiful poetry .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I waited trembling.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Would this be the day?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
All the time i was locked up.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.